Welcome to Bobby Dodd Stadium, where the most notorious team in IFL history resides... THE ATLANTA BLAZE!
Watch all Atlanta Blaze games on cable! Yes GCN, The Gast Cable Network (Whoof!) provides you with live and entertaining IFL football! Go to the GCN Cable Network Page
I'm M. Alfred, current owner of the Atlanta Blaze. I am notoriously known for many illegal activities that involve my team and the IFL. Some of these activities range from illegal half time shows; coaches and staff members that are dead in real life, but perform anyway (we just wheel their dead carcuses on the field or in the office...like our offensive line coach: The Notorious B.I.G.!); and promotional activities.
The OSCAR MEYER WIENER MAN (who replaced Barbara Bel Geddes of Dallas fame) has resigned as head coach. So for the time being, the interim coach will be Richard Simmons, who was the Atlanta Blaze locker room director and team trainer. May I add that Mr. Simmons was the best at his job. He can sniff a jock strap like no one else can. See Richard and Barbara below:
Richard Simmons is the best motivator our organization has ever had. Plus, he'll make sure that everyone is physically fit to play. How does he do that? He gives personal physicals to each of the team players and coaches before all football games and practices (Yes, even the dead ones!).
Barbara Bel Geddes, who resembles Jimmy Johnson, is now a "full time" half-time flinger of open cans of Campbell's Soup. During Lent, Barbara will do her half-time shows totally naked!!!
Other former head coaches are as follows:
Stumpy "The Laughable" Blow-up Doll and Gumby "The Projectile" Condom Dispensor.
NEW QUARTERBACK SIGNING:
Meet Bea Arthur. She is the new Atlanta Blaze Quarterback for the Spring '98 season. She is one manly woman who will kick your ass if you don't catch her balls!
Meet the Atlanta Blaze Field Goal Kicker:
Christopher Reeve is currently our field goal kicker. He is a two season veteran of this team and a well noted crippled actor. He is only one half of our field goal kicking tandom. Jim Abbott, the one armed former baseball pitcher, is the holder. However, we offer Christopher Reeve's job to any lucky fan who can kick a 35 yard field goal at half time, during our "Bong an XTC" (a highly cafeinated citrus beverage) half time show. Yes, participants must bong one liter of XTC before attempting a 35 yard FG. Of course, no one has been successful, so submit your entry to the Atlanta Blaze today!
Meet the new team proctologist:
Meet our new half-time sponsor
YES! They have returned to our half-time extravaganza in Atlanta. Meet the Three Dog Bakery crew of Dan and Mark, two individuals who are dancing around naked on the wrong side of the perverbial sexual fence. These two will perform live shows on our jumbo-tron during all Atlanta Blaze home game half-time shows.
Official (Nonpaying) Sponsor of Atlanta Blaze Half-time Shows is...
EXCUSE ME, BUT DID SOMEONE SAY VERMIN BOWL?
Enter the Flamin' Vermin Bowl Here!
Why are we a notoriously losing football team?
- Illegal half-time shows
- The limp dice throwing wrist of Mike Pries
- Forced to play in a rat-hole called Georgia
E-mail M. Alfred, Altanta Blaze owner and team president.
Visit the IFL Home Page.
HELP SUPPORT THE ATLANTA BLAZE. E-MAIL MIKE PRIES.
HE IS THE IFL PRESIDENT.
Your comments will help support my team and the other teams in the IFL. Make sure to tell him what is on your mind about league issues. He is very interested in your thoughts and opinions.